I’m never going to Florida. Ever.

No big loss, what’s there anyway? A soulless “community” of Disneyfied zombies living in Celebration, Jeb Bush (I’ll come back to him), the angry Christians who tried to save me in Pensacola and a gazillion Canadian tourists. As a Canadian, when I go away I’d like to get away from Canadians. No offense my fellow canucks, you know I love you the best.

No, the real reason I’m never going to Florida is this headline I just read this morning: “Florida eyes allowing residents to open fire whenever they see threat“.

The bill would give Florida residents the right to open fire against anyone they perceive as a threat in public, instead of having to try to avoid a conflict as under prevailing law.

To quote that intellectual giant Jeb Bush, it is “a good, commonsense, anti-crime issue”.

One time I was in Orlando on a Disney bus going from some god forsaken area of the park to another and the people just stared at my labret like the anti-christ had risen. They openly discussed their perception of my disgustingness.

These days they’d just shoot me.

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