Dear Dan Savage,



Dan, Dan, Dan, the advice you gave this week to OBGYN (the 18 year old girl with the anti-choice boyfriend) is really irresponsible, anti-choice, anti-woman and anti-man. I’m usually with you, but this week you blew it and I gotta tell you why.

I’m a pro-choice feminist and I myself do not agree with the boyfriend’s personal views on abortion. But for goodness sake Dan, he’s done the right thing and STOPPED HAVING SEX with this girl. How is that controlling and anti-choice? Because it’s his choice first? He’s being responsible by choosing not to gamble on the 99.7% effectiveness of birth control for 10 minutes of dickstasy vs. a lifetime of regret and sadness. His views are his views and it’s a battle he doesn’t want to fight. Fair enough – dick stays dry.

I do recognise that he could be refusing her sex as a strategy to pressure her into changing her views on abortion – if so, then he’s an idiot. We don’t know all the facts, but to paint him as a controlling, anti-choice boy is wrong. Despite even this variable, these two should not be doing the horizontal hoochie-coochie… Opposing views on abortion is a bad start to a young relationship and throw in your advice and you have a pot’o’trouble.

My brand of feminism doesn’t subscribe to the idea that it’s ok to misrepresent one’s views on abortion to obtain sex. How is that respectful to myself or my partner? Yes, I care about him. I care about the husband I sleep with, whether it’s my body or not, now, tomorrow and forever more. Ultimately, I have the power, so am I gonna use it responsibly or be an asshole? If OBGYN respects herself, her boyfriend and their relationship, she needs to respect her boyfriend’s views and break up with him. They’re not compatible.

“Whatever you tell him now, it will still be your body, and your choice then.”

Come on, that’s pretty gross Dan. Reminds me of a Meatloaf song, “let me sleep on it, baby baby let me sleep on it.”

Is that the world you want to create? Not me, I’d like to create a world where women make choices based on dignity, self-respect and compassion for herself and the other. I don’t want to live in a world where women blindly imitate the kinds of behaviour they’ve been railing against for generations, ie: lying to gain sexual pleasure. Let’s break the patterns and make our politics inclusive.

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