Dear tampon trooper,
I couldn’t help but notice that you recently plugged up in front of my house. So here I am pondering the notion, “am I down with that?” – because we all have those days when needs take priority over class.
It actually reminds me of the time my friend Scott ran feverishly all over Queen Street West, erupting with diarrhea, begging for the use of a toilet.
The difference between your situations obviously being that Scott sought out the appropriate venue to manage his waste, while you chose my yard.
Desperate times I guess. Sometimes bodily functions temporarily consume us and disconnect rational thought from reality. Like when you scream “MY MEATFLAPS!” during an orgasm. Oops.
There’s really only one thing I want to tell you. Well ask really… One little thing you could do to save us from ever having to meet under these circumstances again.
Nope, I’m not going to ask you to find a washroom next time. I’m not even going to ask you to stop changing your tampon in front of my house! Not even.
I want to ask you to stop buying the kind of tampons with plastic applicators. They’re unhealthy for you (bleached cotton = bad), unhealthy for the environment, super-costly if flushed down a septic system and totally and utterly inapproproate as my lawn gnome. (It’s that class thing again, what can I say?)
There are several alternatives at health stores (some may surprise and even delight you), some even available at better chain stores. They’re easy to find! If you choose tampon, go for unbleached without the applicator. I use ’em and think they’re great. Your body (and my yard) will thank you.