I’m convinced that the only reason Blender got so much press for their current worst lyrics issue is because Sting is the worst ranked. Big surprise.
People love to hate Sting.
For myself, I’ve been known to pick up a copy of Blender from time to time, so after hearing the recent CBC story on the lyrics issue – featuring Wham!, Duran Duran, etc – I had to buy a copy.
I can’t believe what they picked for Duran Duran! Blender underwhelmingly highlights this from “Please, Please Tell Me Now”:
Firey demons all dance when you walk through that door… Don’t say you’re easy on me, you’re about as easy as a nuclear war…
I actually kind of like the nuclear war lyric… “The Reflex” also gets an honourable mention which is just dumb. Come on, it’s a good song, one we all cherish from our youth – unless you were a dumb Motley Crue fan – but there are other Duran Duran songs far more worthy of mention.
From “Lonely in Your Nightmare”:
Because there’s heat beneath your winter, let me in. Because you’re so lonely in your nightmare, let me in…Because it’s silent in your stone field, let me in. And you’re lonely in your nightmare, let me in.
Save me Simon! I am but a weak, hot-wintered woman in peril… please save me before David Caruso must ravage my dead bones for evidence…
From “I Take The Dice”:
Show me your secret and tell me your name catch me with your fizzy smile
Try to remember again and again what it is that I recognise
Don’t ask me now when I need you I don’t know how to believe in your advice
Just this once I take the dice
Midnight so what’s the point of faking
When a kiss or a whisper could pull out a desperate prize
Hold tight on to daddy’s braclets
Make them pay for their chances with money they don’t think that’s nice
What the hell is LeBon on about now? This is imagining one’s life as cinematic at its absolute worst.
I’d like to point out a couple of lyricists who didn’t make the list – even though I love him, Andy Bell from Erasure, who I’m not going to delve into, just pull out The Innocents or The Circus, everyone’s a winner; and Canada’s own Ricky J… who could forget a classic like this:
But I really wanna hit it girl
No means no
I can do it for a minute girl
No means no
I just want to get up in it girl
No means no
I can’t believe you never did it girl
Hmmm… suddenly there’s no heat beneath my winter.
BTW – I’ve been thinking about Wham! – also featured for their awesome lyrical talent – have you ever wondered what became of George Michael’s lovechild?
… and now you tell me that you’re having my baby, I’ll tell you that I’m happy if you want me to. But one step further and my back will break If my best isn’t good enough then how can it be good enough for TWOOOOOOO…??
Where is this ‘Everything She Wants’ kid now? Surely in therapy somewhere in the UK?