No, no, no! It’s actually because you’re the skankass panty-christ.



With your movie Glitter you reached the low-point of your career. The Glitter album flopped. What went wrong?

MARIAH: Glitter was ahead of its time – today it’s ‘in’ to make 80′s music. But the timing was bad – I released it around September 11 2001. The talk shows needed something to distract from 9/11. I became a punching bag. I was so successful that they tore me down because my album was at number 2 instead of number 1. The media was laughing at me and attacked me.

Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8545431

The Heartbreaker video really stands out in my mind as the moment when Mariah really went too far. Sure, lots of people writhe around practically naked, but something about the way Mariah does it is really, uh, lubricated. And even the “woooos” in the song are slippery.

For one micro-moment I felt bad for Mariah. My friend Heather and I were at the gym when one of her songs came on the gym’s satellite radio system. We promptly made fun of her but then as the jokes got greasier, we felt feminist guilt and discussed Mariah as the victim.

I can’t speak for Heather, but I’m over it now. Mariah’s a vapid waste-cake.

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No Way You Bloody Minger…



I used to constantly annoy my friends with the game – “what would you do for a million dollars?” Usually it was disgusting, unspeakable shit but I didn’t care. It was funny to see my friends in pain. But then fucking Fear Factor strolled along and basically stole all my best ideas. I never thought I’d live to see the day where people would ACTUALLY munch boiled pig rectum for fifty g’s – in front of the masses even!

My version of the game was way better ’cause I think leaving foul, absurd crap to the imagination is far more effective. Ask my friend Lisa, she’s scarred for life. But she secretly loves it.

So, I’d forgotten all about this part of my past until earlier today when Brandi down in good ol’ Louisiana inspired me to take one more kick at the can. This time I’m starting the game myself (and you’re welcome to join in the comments section) with a slightly new version of the original.

Besides the fact that I’m happily married to my Neo and this situation would obviously never happen anyway, let’s play:

“No Way You Bloody Minger, A Million is Not Enough”

1) Karl Rove
2) Christopher Walken
3) Kalan Porter
4) Gene Simmons (unless we could recreate the Domino video)
5) David Gest
6) John Revolta
7) Ben Mulroney
8) Michael Coren
9) Jim Bakker (note: how is this idiot back on tv? jimbakkershow.com – unbelievable!)
10) Adam Duritz

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Indy mishap – supersonic shit flies.



It’s been a tense week and I’m a little on edge. As we all are – the earth is burning up, it’s hard to breath and the world is a mess.

This doesn’t help, from today:

“The military is investigating after part of a C-F 18 jet broke off during a fly-by at the Molson Indy. The door to the plane’s luggage pod fell into Lake Ontario and was recovered by Toronto Police. At this point officials expect it to be a mechanical malfunction, but the investigation is ongoing. The pilot didn’t even know the meter-long piece had dropped off until notified by his wingman. He then made a safe landing at Pearson International Airport.”

Sometimes I’d rather not know about this stuff.

Yesterday afternoon, I was sitting at home reading with the huzbond, quietly cursing the dumb-ass Indy (I live just east of the CNE, close to the lake) when suddenly the sound barrier just burst. Seriously, pressure in the room dropped, curtains swooshed – everything jet sounds. I can only describe it as an enormous tunnel of C-F 18 vibrations attached to my apartment.

It was pretty strange inside panic hq for few minutes there. But I got over it. Then I’m told of this morning’s news.

Apart from being grateful the luggage pod landed in the the lake and not on me or my neighbours, I also have another reason to think Indy weekend is lame-o.

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Dear Dan Savage,



Dan, Dan, Dan, the advice you gave this week to OBGYN (the 18 year old girl with the anti-choice boyfriend) is really irresponsible, anti-choice, anti-woman and anti-man. I’m usually with you, but this week you blew it and I gotta tell you why.

I’m a pro-choice feminist and I myself do not agree with the boyfriend’s personal views on abortion. But for goodness sake Dan, he’s done the right thing and STOPPED HAVING SEX with this girl. How is that controlling and anti-choice? Because it’s his choice first? He’s being responsible by choosing not to gamble on the 99.7% effectiveness of birth control for 10 minutes of dickstasy vs. a lifetime of regret and sadness. His views are his views and it’s a battle he doesn’t want to fight. Fair enough – dick stays dry.

I do recognise that he could be refusing her sex as a strategy to pressure her into changing her views on abortion – if so, then he’s an idiot. We don’t know all the facts, but to paint him as a controlling, anti-choice boy is wrong. Despite even this variable, these two should not be doing the horizontal hoochie-coochie… Opposing views on abortion is a bad start to a young relationship and throw in your advice and you have a pot’o’trouble.

My brand of feminism doesn’t subscribe to the idea that it’s ok to misrepresent one’s views on abortion to obtain sex. How is that respectful to myself or my partner? Yes, I care about him. I care about the husband I sleep with, whether it’s my body or not, now, tomorrow and forever more. Ultimately, I have the power, so am I gonna use it responsibly or be an asshole? If OBGYN respects herself, her boyfriend and their relationship, she needs to respect her boyfriend’s views and break up with him. They’re not compatible.

“Whatever you tell him now, it will still be your body, and your choice then.”

Come on, that’s pretty gross Dan. Reminds me of a Meatloaf song, “let me sleep on it, baby baby let me sleep on it.”

Is that the world you want to create? Not me, I’d like to create a world where women make choices based on dignity, self-respect and compassion for herself and the other. I don’t want to live in a world where women blindly imitate the kinds of behaviour they’ve been railing against for generations, ie: lying to gain sexual pleasure. Let’s break the patterns and make our politics inclusive.

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