They’ll spam you and say that it’s the end…

but I would not feel so all alone.

Everybody must get spammed.

Well, the ‘non-believering’ segment of everybody anyway.


After the rapture, there will be a lot of speculation as to why millions of people have just disappeared. Unfortunately, after the rapture, only non believers will be left to come up with answers. You probably have family and friends that you have witnessed to and they just won’t listen. After the rapture they probably will, but who will tell them?

We have written a computer program to do just that. It will send an Electronic Message (e-mail) to whomever you want after the rapture has taken place, and you and I have been taken to heaven.

How is this accomplished, you might ask. It’s a dead man switch that will automatically send the emails when it is not reset… [snip]

From the actual letter:

Dear Friend,

This message has been sent to you by a friend or a relative who has recently disappeared along with millions and millions of people around the world.

The reason they chose to send you this letter is because they cared about you and would like you to know the truth about where they went.

This may come as a shock to you, but the one who sent you this has been taken up to heaven… [snip]

For the love of god, BIG thanks to Twisty over at I Blame the Patriarchy for posting about this. My favourite line from her exposé: “It promises sanctimonious jesusians that when they get sucked up by the Exalted Celestial Hoover come the Rapture, it will send emails to the Left Behinders of their choice.”

Move over celestial jukebox, you’re old news. I’m all about the celestial hoover now! It makes me giggle to imagine God existing as a big vacuum in the sky.

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2 Responses to “They’ll spam you and say that it’s the end…”

  1. collin says:

    “…switch that will automatically send the emails when it is not reset…”

    Now we know why Locke and Sayid had to enter the code!

  2. seizuresalad says:

    Oy! Too much.